duplicateLC42205

i passed my GED!
fuck yes im so happy.
i start school in the loverly spingtime at HCC for cosmetology. [i wanna be a hair stylist]
now all i need [WANT] is a car, drivers license, appartment, and roomate. oh yeah and a job and money.
[i do NEED my license though]
eeks. lol whatever at least im working on it.

[i stole this by the way]

I think it's inevitable that as we read each other's journals we create mental pictures of each other. Post this on your own journal to find out who your friends see when they read about your life.

Two Rules:
1) You have to post a picture of a person you think I look like in the comments.

2) Please don't participate if you've met me or seen real pictures of me and already know what I look like.

[ok i guess dont look at my userpics lol]

ok so on one episode of nip/tuck, kimber has a "real doll" of her. like they said its made of silicone and rubber to make it feel like real skin and it has an actual skeleton underneath it and it feels like a real person [like the tits and pussy or on a male the penis and balls lol] i was shocked! and i thought surely they cant really sell those, so today i was fucking around on the internet and remembered it and looked it up.
Real Dolls
turns out they are real, they really sell custom made "Real Dolls". also you can buy seprate parts, like if u just want the head, or just the torso. hahaha im not kidding. this blows my mind, get a real fucking person dumbasses. HAHAHA.

my newest addiction is nip/tuck. it has to be the best show in the world im serious. if u havent seen it then go and see it. i bought the first and second seasons like 2 weeks ago and im done with them already lol. im buying the third when its a little cheaper and then tonight is the start of season 4.
im hooked. [wut a loser]

i wish i could hang out with all my old friends. i wish i could handel it. none of them are sober so for me, what i do is when i see someone functioning ok in life and sometimes drinking or getting high but there life is still managable... i start thinking well maybe i can do it, maybe i can get high once a week or less, maybe i dont have to get drunk everysingle night. then the reality of me being an alcoholic/ addict hits me. if i started drinking and shit again itd honestly be a week until id need more, i mean the next thing could be coke, heroin, crack! lol thank fuckin god i never got into that shit but the way i was going i wasnt far. they say when an alcoholic is sober that its like the disease grows, if you start drinking again after a long time being sober its like it has grown inside you, you need more and more bc the tollerance for the alcohol has grown and once again your outta control. its so weird how some people can pick up a drink with the intentions of just simply relaxing and having one drink. then the otheres pick up a bottle with the pure intentions of getting as drunk as possible. these two people cant even start to understand eachother, each of the others seem to have mind blowing ideads of drinking. man theres so many problems in this world. fuck being an alcoholic. it sucks but thank god for alcoholics annonymous.

UGH im so fucking sdiguhapwiughpwruiogh! [angry. mad. out of my mind. HATRED!!]
living with my family is seriously driving me insane, and im sure them too... FUCK man. its my fucking mom and nana. like really, theyre just BEING real bitches to me. just mean, hard, bitchy bitches. and as u probably know, my dad is in prison so he doesnt live with us obviously... so its like i have two moms, wich sux like hell times 9995968598764234536895. and its funny too bc im sober now, its not like i sneak out in the middle of the night and dont come back for 2 days anymore, its not like i bring drug crazed friends over to get high and drunk anymore, its not like i steal their money anymore, its not like i cut myself anymore, its not like i cause ANY drama or harm to the household anymore... so why the fuck pick on me??? i honestly dont know. i made my amends to them like months ago, they forgave me. shit shit shit shit. fuck fuck fuck fuck. i never know how theyre gonna be each day either. theyve been so supportive of me and my choices and my sexuality and AA and my life, they take me to meetings and friends houses all the way to houston. they love me beyond words. but then i dunno where it goes wrong... i just dont get it, like why we have fights and hurt eachother with our words so badly. i dunno. man i cant wait to move out. our relationship would be so much better. i just cant move now bc i start school in the spring and i couldnt have a job and school and go to meetings and pay my rent, plenty of ppl can but i wouldnt be able to.
my mom and me have been through so much together and weve always made it through but this time she still wont talk to me but a few words. its been 2 weeks. i love her to death, she saved my life.

yay im so X-cited! im going to this AA thinggy called frio... a bunch of us sober kids from all over texas [wich is mainly us from houston lol] go to this one town like 3-4 hours away by the frio river and there's like cabins and stuff and its so fun. it happens every three months but i havent been to one since a year ago bc i havent had money. well now i do!!! and im so happppy yay! im bringing my camera... so there will be pics!

ive been procrastinating on taking my ged test for about 3 years.
wow thats long huh?
well today was the first half of the test and it included my weakest subject math...
OMG IT WAS TOO FUCKING EASY! lol
im happy and i hope i pass it.
then im gonna do some cosmetology thinggy to be a hairstylist... FUCK YEAH MAN! im finally making a life for myself

the mountains were my favorite. im in love with them.
the sky over golden, colorado. [a pink sky means pollution, that sux that pink skies are the prettiest]

denver and the surrounding cities.

the "flatirons" boulder, colorado

broomfield, colorado


right behind this platue there is the coors brewery. interesting.

closer veiw of that platue

some rock hill/ mountain/ wall?

jenny is pretty much my best friend. heres some pictures... by the way... im UGLY.

im backkk.

im going to colorado for like 2 weeks! yes im so x-cited my uncle and his ex wife live there and her kid and there kid. kinda confusing but i grew up with the two kids and so i still feel that theyre all family. im leaving sunday most likely.

Your daddy beat you up
Your daddy beat you down
Your daddy put your mama in the hospital
Your daddy left town...he broke your heart
Your mama drank too much
Your mama hit you in the face
You had to make excuses for the bruises to all your friends
You had to live in disgrace...She broke your heart
Daddy came in your room at night
He took whatever he want
Your daddy was your first time
And your mama never tried to stop him...they
broke your heart
My mama beat me up
My mama beat me down
My brother was a rapist
My family threw me out... they broke my heart
America is the place where the kids got broken hearts
America is the place where the kids got twisted minds
bent on self destruction
America is the place where the kids got their wills broken
into and broken in two
America is the place where the kids got broken hearts
And the adults say hush, keep it down now,
voices carry. the adults say hush, keep it down now,
voices carry. hush hush, keep it down now,
voices carry. hush hush, keep it down now,
voices carry. the adults say hush, keep it down now,
voices carry.
They say, don't tell anyone, don't tell em
anything
Don't tell 'em what went on, don't tell 'em
what really happened
Don't tell anyone, don't tell 'em anything
They won't believe you cuz it's all your fault
Hush hush, keep it down now,
voices carry. hush hush, keep it down now,
voices carry.
I made a bag out of a piece of cloth
I made a wish and I wrote it down on a piece of paper
I put the paper in the bag and I wished with all
my heart
I said, please please deliver me; low and behold it
became reality
So I can say today
I refuse to believe that god created me to be
tortured
I refuse to believe the earth created me to be
abandoned
I refuse to believe that god created me to be
neglected
I refuse to believe the Earth created me to be
abused. Hush hush, keep it down now,
voices carry. hush hush, keep it down now,
voices carry.
I picked up the pieces of my broken heart off of
the dirty boulevard
I found a punk rock kid who had a needle and
some leather string
I made a wish and I said it, again and again I took
the needle and threaded it
I sewed my broken heart back together again
I got family now, sew my broken heart back together again
I got a wife I love, sew my broken heart back together again
I got two daughters I love, sew my broken heart back together again
I got a family now. Hush hush, keep it down now,
voices carry. hush hush, keep it down now,
voices carry. Hush hush, keep it down now,
voices carry. hush hush, keep it down now,
voices carry.
Who ever you are, whatever you do, where ever
you are you don't deserve Abuse. Who ever you are, whatever you do, where ever
you are you don't deserve Abuse. Who ever you are, whatever you do, where ever
you are you don't deserve Abuse.
SURVIVOR

for those of you not in AA [alcoholics annonymous]is a 12 step program for alcoholics and addicts [me] and you work the steps throughout the rest of your life. well im on my 4th step for the second time and its writing an inventory of all the resentments with people, places, and things that you have built up in you and while your doing this [writing it all down] a lot of feelings get stirred up like anger and stuff so you get kinda crazy... i know this bc ive seen plenty of ppl do it and this is, like i said, my second time... and im getting kinda crazy! lol. but its so great afterwards, its like youve got a clean slate and you feel like youve learned so much about yourself and your own patterns. anyway, thats it. that was kinda pointless but eh, i feel better.

searching the skies for purple stars,
searching for lives that arent ours,
never happy,
never happy,
who will i be next?
<3 lindsey